Ghosts

Dear Abigail,

Is it possible to prevent a ghost from finding or possessing you?

Sincerely,
Stalked in Sacramento

Dear Stalked,

It’s unusual, but not unheard of, for a ghost to stalk someone without good reason. So as a first step, try resolving any unfinished business that you have with the undead.

Barring that, Dr Geist, founder of GeistCo, believes that ghosts use the electrical fields surrounding living creatures to find and possess them. The use of strong magnets may serve as a deterrent.

Best of luck,

Phantom Effect by Michael Aronovitz

If you’ve watched this month’s webisode about the Ghostly Positioning & Possession Service, you’ll know that we like a good tale of ghostly (or is it ghastly?) revenge. So we enjoyed rooting for Marissa Madison, the latest target of serial killer Jonathan Martin Delaware Deseronto. Marissa was a powerful psychic in life, and in death she uses her abilities to force Deseronto to face not only her past, but his own.

Not for the faint of heart, this psychological horror alternates between Deseronto’s first person and Madison’s third person points of view, building to a climax that weaves seemingly unrelated subplots into a spectacular, and surprising, finale.

Dear Abigail,

I’ve been getting death threats lately. Or maybe they’re undeath threats? In either case, can a vampire become a ghost?

Sincerely,
Afraid to die (for real)

Dear Afraid,

Ghosts are the remnants of souls of those who have passed on. Sadly, since vampires don’t have souls, there’s no way for you to become a ghost. Hopefully the threats you’ve been receiving are just that, but to be on the safe side, please contact the appropriate authorities. In particulary, the Constabularius Corpus should be able to help.

Stay safe,

Dear Abigail,

I’m recently deceased and can’t stand the clothes I’m stuck in. Honestly, if I’d known I was going to die that day, I’d have worn something else! My hair sucks, too. Is there anything or anyone out there that can help me?

Need it badly,
Grungy Ghost

Dear Grungy,

You’re in luck! GeistCo recently released the app GhostLet, which allows ghosts to refresh their outfits as often as they like. It comes pre-loaded with several outfits, but you can buy more. New styles are added daily.

Not sure what we can do about the hairdo. I’ll reach out to Dr. Geist to see if her team has anything in the works. If not, it’s a great suggestion!

Send pictures of your new look!

Dear Abigail,

I died several years ago and have been haunting my old home since then. There haven’t been any jobs around here, so the human population was shrinking. But I guess the economy is picking up, and lately there have been lots of people stomping through my house – and one of them is definitely a realtor! Please tell me you have something to help. I really don’t want to be evicted.

Sincerely,
Desperate in Detroit

Dear Desperate,

I’ve forwarded your contact information to the R&D department at GeistCo. You might be eligible to help them test some new human-repellant products. The details are classified, but I’ve heard rumors that this program may make your house more attractive to cats. I hope you’re not allergic!

Lots of Love,