Products for Zombies
Death Stitch
Guaranteed to hold your zombie's skin in place for up to six months of normal wear and tear, including chemical spills!
Christie's Cranial Delights
Who wants mail-order, lab-grown brains? We do!
News & Advice for Zombies
ShopTalk: Zombie Pets
Dear Abigail,
Can animals become zombies?
Sincerely,
Worried about my pets
Dear Worried,
The nanovirus that started the zombie plague only affects humans, so your pets are safe! But please follow basic safety guidelines so that you don’t catch the disease. Pets don’t like the undead, and you would struggle to care for them as a zombie.
Your fellow animal lover,
May 2016 Book of the Month
Rot & Ruin by Jonathan Maberry
In our universe, all zombies can be domesticated. Not every world is built that way. So we appreciate finding a book that recognizes that zombies at least used to be people.
Ben Imura can’t remember a time before the zombie apocalypse. Now, he’s 15 and has to get a job. When nothing else works out, he apprentices to his older brother Tom, a renowned zombie bounty hunter. Initially excited about killing “zoms”, Ben soon learns there are greater horrors beyond the town fence, and that zombies may not be the monsters he thought they were.
The full series:
- Rot & Ruin (2010)
- Dust & Decay (2012)
- Flesh & Bone (2013)
- Fire & Ash (2014)
- Bits & Pieces (2015)
ShopTalk: Undead Adultery
Dear Abigail,
If your spouse becomes a zombie and is legally dead, does dating someone else count as cheating or adultery?
Just wondering (really!),
Curious Citizen
Dear Curious,
Legally, you are widowed and can date pretty much anyone. Morally, the jury is still out. Clergy of most religions could argue endlessly on this subject, but generally, the more conservative the faith, the more likely they are to frown upon dating someone new. Conversation and friendship are completely acceptable, though.
Not justifying anything,
ShopTalk: Lab-grown AND non-GMO
Dear Abigail,
How can Christie’s Cranial Delights be both lab-grown and non-GMO? That seems like a contradiction.
Sincerely,
Skeptical Susan
Dear Susan,
GMOs are manufactured to grow in extreme climates and to withstand pesticides. They’re usually grown in a field. Lab-grown means that the product was manufactured in a laboratory environment. Genetic modification is not required to grow tissue in a lab.
Christie’s has informed me that they use a combination of stem-cell technology and 3D printing to create their brains, and that the genome has not been altered in any way.
I hope this helps!
ShopTalk: Death Stench
Dear Abigail,
Recently, my husband’s mother became a zombie and had to move in with us. I don’t mind too much, as there’s a daycare nearby and we can afford the premium mail-order brains that keep her appetite in check. What’s really getting to me is the smell. Every time I come home, I want to retch. Do you have anything that can help?
Sincerely,
Nostrally Nauseous
Dear Nauseous,
Kudos to you for taking care of your mother-in-law during this trying time. The scientists at PSN are working hard to find a cure for zombie-ism. Until they do, try Christie’s Candles. They’re specially formulated to rid your home of the undead aroma, and come in refreshing mint, lemon or lavender scents as well!
Aromatically yours,